by John Wilkes Score Booth
Seeing a Morristown Madams bout from the score booth is an exercise in selective isolation. You are surrounded by four scratched-up thick glass panels, two of which look out onto the rink and four on the sides that border the visitor and home penalty boxes. The panels are just above eye-level, so most of the sound during the match is blocked out, but once in a while some interesting things make it through...
6/14/08 - vs. Pocono High Rollers
One of the High Rollers is being checked out after a fall by our much-appreciated EMTs in the visitors' penalty box. "Do you know anything about derby girls?" she asks them. "You should know that stuff like this doesn't stop us. We just keep on rolling." They explain to her that she might have cracked a rib and could risk injuring her lung. "So what? I still have my other lung!"
Later on in the game, another High Roller has taken a spill at turn 2 and the EMTs are attending to her. Ova Dose has been manning the Madams' penalty box to my right, and as she turns away from the rink she has a look on her face that is truly pained. "I can't take it when this happens." She glances out at the EMTs briefly, then looks away again, her knuckles turning white as she grips the edge of the hole in the glass.
9/27/08 - vs. Hudson Valley Horrors
Ova Dose has made her triumphant return to the rink, and takes a brief spill during one of the jams. She's waiting on the bench before the second period starts, and to me she doesn't seem like her usual energetic self. I pop my head over the top of the booth and ask how she's doing.
"I don't think I'm brave enough to go out there," she tells me with an uneasy smile. I try to give her a pep talk but I don't think it's working. "Come on, you're brave enough to go out there in the first place, so you're brave enough to go back."
She looks up at me and says, "You don't understand, that's not brave, that's stupid," pronouncing that last word as only a girl from Liverpool can.
11/1/2008 - vs. Lehigh Valley Special Vixens Unit
You learn something new every day. Today I'm learning that the score board doesn't display "99." Unfortunately I learn this during the final minutes of the bout.
Okay, reset home team score (scoreboard goes blank). Add 99 points to home team score (scoreboard shows a big fat zero). Hm, maybe another approach. Reset home team score (scoreboard goes blank). Add 1 point to home team score (scoreboard shows a one). Add 98 points to home team score (scoreboard shows a big fat zero, again).
Meanwhile, the zebras in the center island, the Madams, and the Vixens are all yelling, "That's not the right score!" while the bout continues. Eventually the Madams win by one point in a furious final jam, but I miss it entirely while I frantically press buttons.
11/15/08 - vs. Suburbia Roller Derby
Poor Bozie Banger. Not only is she in the penalty box, but she's at the mercy of me and D-Ball, who is coaching the team tonight in her Bear Bryant get-up. Usually when D-Ball skates for the Madams she makes plenty of noise by slamming her helmet against the side wall. Tonight all she has for a noisemaker is a plastic clipboard, which is barely holding up from the abuse.
I start poking fun at D-Ball by slamming my whiteboard against the booth. D-Ball responds and soon we're playing "Dueling Boards" with Bozie in the middle. She looks at both of us like we're crazy. (We are, and she should know this by now.)
A few moments later, Mega Menace is returning to the bench and D-Ball breaks the clipboard while smacking her on the butt with it. Maybe we should get her a metal one next time.
6/14/08 - vs. Pocono High Rollers
One of the High Rollers is being checked out after a fall by our much-appreciated EMTs in the visitors' penalty box. "Do you know anything about derby girls?" she asks them. "You should know that stuff like this doesn't stop us. We just keep on rolling." They explain to her that she might have cracked a rib and could risk injuring her lung. "So what? I still have my other lung!"
Later on in the game, another High Roller has taken a spill at turn 2 and the EMTs are attending to her. Ova Dose has been manning the Madams' penalty box to my right, and as she turns away from the rink she has a look on her face that is truly pained. "I can't take it when this happens." She glances out at the EMTs briefly, then looks away again, her knuckles turning white as she grips the edge of the hole in the glass.
9/27/08 - vs. Hudson Valley Horrors
Ova Dose has made her triumphant return to the rink, and takes a brief spill during one of the jams. She's waiting on the bench before the second period starts, and to me she doesn't seem like her usual energetic self. I pop my head over the top of the booth and ask how she's doing.
"I don't think I'm brave enough to go out there," she tells me with an uneasy smile. I try to give her a pep talk but I don't think it's working. "Come on, you're brave enough to go out there in the first place, so you're brave enough to go back."
She looks up at me and says, "You don't understand, that's not brave, that's stupid," pronouncing that last word as only a girl from Liverpool can.
11/1/2008 - vs. Lehigh Valley Special Vixens Unit
You learn something new every day. Today I'm learning that the score board doesn't display "99." Unfortunately I learn this during the final minutes of the bout.
Okay, reset home team score (scoreboard goes blank). Add 99 points to home team score (scoreboard shows a big fat zero). Hm, maybe another approach. Reset home team score (scoreboard goes blank). Add 1 point to home team score (scoreboard shows a one). Add 98 points to home team score (scoreboard shows a big fat zero, again).
Meanwhile, the zebras in the center island, the Madams, and the Vixens are all yelling, "That's not the right score!" while the bout continues. Eventually the Madams win by one point in a furious final jam, but I miss it entirely while I frantically press buttons.
11/15/08 - vs. Suburbia Roller Derby
Poor Bozie Banger. Not only is she in the penalty box, but she's at the mercy of me and D-Ball, who is coaching the team tonight in her Bear Bryant get-up. Usually when D-Ball skates for the Madams she makes plenty of noise by slamming her helmet against the side wall. Tonight all she has for a noisemaker is a plastic clipboard, which is barely holding up from the abuse.
I start poking fun at D-Ball by slamming my whiteboard against the booth. D-Ball responds and soon we're playing "Dueling Boards" with Bozie in the middle. She looks at both of us like we're crazy. (We are, and she should know this by now.)
A few moments later, Mega Menace is returning to the bench and D-Ball breaks the clipboard while smacking her on the butt with it. Maybe we should get her a metal one next time.
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